DWTS Season 11: Sixth Elimination

I think this picture of Audrina and Tony sums up Rock Week: too much hair and makeup. What is the budget for hair, makeup, sequins and spray tans over at Dancing With The Stars? Let’s see who survived this silly theme week. Note to DWTS Producers: adding guitar and flames to pop music does not exactly “rock.”

We jump right into results, which makes me happy – but also seems to be the big hint that there will be lots of time fillers in this show. First up, the couples at the bottom of the leaderboard: Bristol & Mark (sixth place with 28 points), Kurt & Anna (seventh place with 22 points) and Jennifer & Derek (fifth place with 29 points). The first couples safe are: Kurt & Anna and Bristol & Mark. Jennifer & Derek are in jeopardy. I am resisting the urge to throw something at my TV. I WANT JENNIFER IN THIS COMPETITION! One of those other couples should be going home! I am going to stop working during the show next week and vote from the newsroom. PS – Please don’t tell the bosses!

The judges decided to bring back Bristol & Mark’s tango.

Heart performed Barracuda. Is something wrong with my DVR? This song seems to be super slow.

The two couples who tied in the middle of the leaderboard are next to learn their fates. Kyle & Lacey (third place with 30 points) and Rick & Cheryl (third place with 30 points). Rick & Cheryl are safe. Kyle & Lacey are in jeopardy.

Rockers (who don’t dance) weigh in on the competition. Bret Michaels, Alice Cooper, Dee Snider critiquing dance? Am I in some alternate universe? I mean, I get that these guys know how to perform, but if they gesture toward their, um, privates, the fans go crazy. And that is NOT dancing. Wait. I’m not a dancer and I keep writing these critiques each week. I take all of that back. Bret said Brandy is a natural performer. Dee said Rick is rising to the pressure and delivering. Alice said Bristol has guts and is a breath of fresh air. Bret said Kyle can handle being a rock star and a DWTS star. Alice said Kurt is his favorite to win. Bret said people connect with Jennifer because she wears her  heart on her sleeve. Dee said Audrina has to tap into real emotion to rock it.

Macy’s Stars of Dance performed to Alice Cooper’s School’s Out as performed by some teenagers. Then, what appeared to be a hundred or so singers from what I have learned are from John Burroughs High School show choir performed Queen’s We Will Rock You. They were good, but really just reminded me that I have an episode of Glee on my DVR.

Kylie Minogue performed Get Out of My Way. I guess she wants no one standing between her and her half-naked male dancers.

Back to the business! The top two couples learn their fate. Brandy & Maks (first place with 36 points) and Audrina & Tony (second place with 32 points) take the stage. They get to stand there through a commercial break as I hit FF. Back from commercial. Tom talks to Kristi Yamaguchi who will captain some of the stars next week. She has a strategy but won’t reveal it to give Apolo any insight. Brandy & Maks and Audrina & Tony are still waiting as a taped piece (AKA time filler) runs. All the stars are talking about how exhausting and challenging the competition is. It’s like they’ve never watched the show before. Have they never seen these pieces that run every season? FF. I just noticed brandy’s costumes looks like she has two disco ball trophies on her chest. I shake myself out of it to hear Brandy & Maks are safe. Audrina & Tony are in jeopardy.

The final elimination of the night… I am holding my breath. PLEASE DON’T SEND JENNIFER & DEREK HOME. PLEASE DON’T SEND JENNIFER & DEREK HOME. The next couple safe: Kyle & Lacey. OH. MY. GOSH. HURRY UP. I CAN’T BREATHE! Bruno couldn’t believe to see Audrina & Tony in the bottom two because she’s improved. Carrie Ann said Jennifer & Derek had a rough night, but it happens to the best performers. She said it would hurt if they went home. Len said he’s almost lost for words over one of these two couples going home. He said there’s no justice in those two being at the bottom. I’M TURNING BLUE. The couple going home: Audrina & Tony. WHEW!

My prediction: Jennifer & Derek will come back strong next week and won’t look back. I think this might have been kind of a dramatic set-up to rattle the competition (everyone had better bring it these final weeks) and the viewers (tune in and vote). I could be wrong, but I have a little bit of an idea how these reality shows work.

Next week is a celebration of the 200th episode. Taylor Swift and Rod Stewart will perform. Fifty former stars return and six will guest judge (Helio Castroneves, Kelly Osbourne, Emmitt Smith, Drew Lachey, Mel B, Gilles Marini) and Kristi Yamaguchi and Apolo Ohno will captain the stars through the group dance. I’m excited? I have until Monday to find my dance spirit.


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