DWTS Season 11: Rock Week

Dear ABC, I’m trying to pretend that horrible “TV Theme Week” on Dancing With The Stars was just a bad dream. But I keep seeing this image of poor Bristol Palin in a gorilla suit. I might need therapy. So, how about you promise to never EVER do that to us again? Oh, what? It’s “Rock Week?” Have you noticed that not many of these contestants are really the rock sort? No? Fine. I’ll settle in for two hours of this and hope the stars can pull off their two dances because, as Tom Bergeron announces each week, “THIS is Dancing With The Stars!”

Wow! Lots of flames and the set looks like it’s set for a concert. These stars are dancing and not playing music, right? Hold on. I’m totally distracted by the show started with the viewers’ ten favorite dances. So, ABC, this is how you’re going to fill half an hour of a two-hour show? Ugh. OK. Here they are (I even took note of the little pop-ups):

10. Shawn Johnson & Mark Ballas (Season 8) Freestyle: Mark chose green for their costumes because it is his favorite color. At 17-years-old, Shawn was the youngest champion of Dancing With The Stars. The day before the show, Shawn gave herself a concussion while practicing a back flip.

9. Donny Osmond & Kym Johnson (Season 9) Argentine Tango: This is the first of two Argentine Tangos in your top ten dances. At 51-years-old, Donny became the oldest champion of Dancing With The Stars.

8. Helio Castroneves & Julianne Hough (Season 5) Quickstep: Len said Helio looked like a “great big dancing banana” dancing this dance. Julianne wasn’t expecting Helio’s surprise kiss at the end of this dance.

7. Apolo Ohno & Julianne Hough (Season 4) Freestyle: Julianne shouted so much during the rehearsals of this dance, she lost her voice.

6. Joanna Krupa & Derek Hough (Season 9) Futuristic Paso: When Joanna got ahead of the music, Derek mirrored her movements so they stayed in sync. Derek didn’t decide to add eye strip make-up until after the final rehearsal.

5. Mel B. & Maksim Chmerkovskiy (Season 5) Paso Doble: Mel B’s schedule only allowed her a few hours total rehearse this routine. Mel and Maks often spend Thanksgiving together at her family’s home.

4. Nicole Scherzinger & Derek Hough (Season 10) 50s Paso: Nicole wanted Derek as her partner after seeing his futuristic paso in season nine. Nicole is the highest place female star in your top ten dances. The era for this dance and for Derek’s futuristic paso was picked at random.

3. Apolo Ohno & Julianne Hough (Season 4) Samba: Apolo Ohno is the only star to appear twice in your top ten dances.

2. Gilles Marini & Cheryl Burke (Season 8) Argentine Tango: Season 8 was the first time the Argentine Tango appeared as a competitive dance. Gilles placed second in season 8 by less than 1% of the judges scores and votes combined. Gilles also placed second in this top ten dances competition by less than a thousand votes.

1. Drew Lachey & Cheryl Burke (Season 2) Freestyle: At first Cheryl didn’t like the song, but as a country music fan Drew pushed for it.

I learned two things about you, America. 1. You like the latin dances and freestyles a lot. 2. You miss Julianne Hough. Many of the stars from seasons past will return to guest judge. So, stay tuned for that. Now, we finally get down to the business at hand. Yikes! Rick stumbled a little coming down the stairs – hope that’s not a sign of things to come.

Couple: Audrina & Tony

Dance: Paso Doble

Tony took Audrina to mixed martial arts to teach her to be intense and aggressive. She ended up beating up a dummy with Bruno’s face on it. I don’t know about you, but the last thing I would want to dance to is “Another One Bites The Dust.” Audrina doesn’t seem rattle by that. She is actually dancing quite well in that glorified bikini. Not a bad start. I didn’t love it.

Len said Audrina is getting on his nerves because she has the potential to blow the judges away. Her dancing is clean and crisp, but it lacks the character of the dance. He said she has to work on the character. Bruno said Len is right. He said “imagine Eva Mendes, Eva Longoria, the man-eating Spanish beauty.” He said it looked scornful. Carrie Ann agreed with Len and Bruno, but said her improvement is ridiculous. She said what’s happening in Audrina’s body is impressive. She said Audrina lacks the intention behind the movement.

SCORE: 24

Couple: Kyle & Lacey

Dance: Tango

Kyle means business. At least that what he said in rehearsal. He practiced at home with his brother. Fingers crossed that pays off. I’m quiet because I’m waiting for this to rock. It’s kind of rolled and lulled me into a haze. I’m shaken out of my near-slumber by the ending – was Lacey making out with Kyle’s nose? Meh.

Bruno was on his feet and all riled up. He said Kyle kept his hold, his footwork was better, but he said it was much better. Carrie Ann said she loved the Kyle style. She said his carriage was amazing. She said there was a slight mess up. Len said, “I’m not going to sack you, I’m going to back you.” He said Kyle’s dancing is performance driven, but he wants to see technique. He wants a balance and it was an improvement.

SCORE: 23

Couple: Jennifer & Derek

Dance: Paso Doble

Jennifer’s worried about her neck. Now, I’m worried about it, too. It’s possible I might flinch while watching her dance. Call those Guinness people! Jennifer is dancing in the world’s longest skirt! At times, her face seemed disconnected from the dance, like she was indifferent. Why did it look like Derek was leading her, as if she forgot some steps? Jennifer stumbled a bit on a spin at the end. If I didn’t know better, I’d think they’re trying to get a lower score just to come back strong at the end of the season.

Carrie Ann said Jennifer needs to calm down. She said, “You’re way out of control. The dance was totally disjointed. A leg came off the ground. I don’t know what’s happening. You’re like the chosen one and you’re going down hill.” She said Jennifer needs to know her limits. Len said Jennifer had the attack, the aggression, the attitude, but she lost a bit of the control. Bruno said Jennifer got the rage right. He said it was “like a woman at the edge of a nervous breakdown.” I thought Len might fall out of his chair when Bruno stood up and started flailing his arms. Bruno said Jennifer needs to tone it down. Oh no. a playback in slow motion. Looks sloppier.

SCORE: 20

Couple: Rick & Cheryl

Dance: Tango

Rick is worried about his posture. It appears he’s over-thinking this whole dance business. Woah! What’s up with the skunky mohawk? No likey. This was strange. I mean, Rick danced fine, but when I looked at both him and Cheryl, I felt like he was a bit hunched over, trying to meet her height. I also might have been a bit bothered by the excessive eye makeup on Rick.

Len thought Rick did an excellent job. Bruno said it was like “a Mohican on the war path.” He thought Rick was going to scalp Cheryl at the end. He wanted a bit more romance. Don’t we all, Bruno? Carrie Ann said Rick was amazing. She thought it was well done, but sometimes Rick gets so stern that we lose the person behind The Rick. I’m pretty sure The Rick is not related to The Rock.

SCORE: 24

Couple: Bristol & Mark

Dance: Tango

There’s no way this can be worse than last week’s dance. Bristol wanted to put in some air guitar moves in the performance. She seems to be concentrating really hard. Oh, there’s the air guitar. Just when I thought it was going so well. Wow! This might be her best dance of the season!

Bruno said Bristol was all woman. He said it was her best performance. Carrie Ann said it was ridiculously amazing. She even asked “Who are you?” Len said, “Last week a chimp, almost a champ.” He said Bristol did not maintain hold during the dance, so he’d drop her a point. Mark pointed out they didn’t mess around in the beginning. Len thanked him for that.

SCORE: 23

Couple: Kurt & Anna

Dance: Paso Doble

Bret Michaels showed up at rehearsals to teach Kurt how to rock. Oh, I hope Kurt does not dance with a giant bandana around his head. Dance time. No bandana. They certainly look the part with their shredded costumes (this is 80s hair band rock week, no?). Kurt seemed a little soft in the feet, not so much stomping around. Once in hold, he danced really well. At the end, he put his hand on his back. Is Kurt hurt? Was that part of the choreography?

Carrie Ann said Kurt has the scruff, but the dance was scruffy. She said it lacked polish. She said Kurt committed to the character, but it did not come together. Len said it didn’t come off. He thought Kurt looked awkward doing it and he felt awkward doing it. Bruno said it looked like Kurt was doing karate instead of dancing. He said Kurt looked more Jackie Chan and they want Banderas.

SCORE: 18

Couple: Brandy

Dance: Tango

Brandy broke down during rehearsals. I guess it’s not easy being at the top. The costume department really broke the bank on the lamé this week. Note: this song was not rocky. Brandy crushed the other tangos. She better get at least one 10 paddle out of the judges.

Len said Maks is his hero. He called it the dance of the night. Bruno said that tango rocked. “Is it Brandy or Tina Turner in Mad Max?” Carrie Ann said she had goosebumps. She said it was like watching someone who had been through a tough time and found her wings and flew. She spotted a few mistakes. But she liked it.

SCORE: 26 (Carrie Ann gave them an 8)

Next up: competition marathon. The couples can use moves from the jive, swing dance and the lindy hop. Lifts are legal. The couples will be eliminated one by one, scoring points as they go. Let’s rock!

I’m just going to keep score here.

1. Brandy & Maks – 10 points. TOTAL SCORE: 36 points

2. Jennifer & Derek – 9 points. TOTAL SCORE: 29 points

3. Audrina & Tony – 8 points. TOTAL SCORE: 32 points

4. Kyle & Lacey – 7 points. TOTAL SCORE: 30 points

5. Rick & Cheryl – 6 points. TOTAL SCORE: 30 points

6. Bristol & Mark – 5 points. TOTAL SCORE: 28 points

7. Kurt & Anna – 4 points. TOTAL SCORE: 22

Tuesday night, Heart and Kyle Minogue will perform. So will a group called “School of Rock.” One couple will go home (looking at you Kurt, Bristol and Jennifer – though I hope I’m wrong about Jennifer). If you want to know more about the music heard on the show, go here. If you want to see any of the performances, watch them online here.

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One Comment on “DWTS Season 11: Rock Week”

  1. pete Says:

    Can anyone help me to find someone to do some basic home decor for me at a reasonable price.


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