DWTS: From 9 To 8

I’m starting this post with that picture of Brooke Burke. Why? Because that mother of four has the best non-dancer body on the show! I mean, look at her! Oh, and fellas – YOU’RE WELCOME.

She’s also the best star on this show right now. Each week, she gets better. And her dances aren’t easy. Brooke should not be anywhere near the bottom two this week. Find out which couples are at the bottom in my recap!

I do think it was funny that Tom Bergeron sarcastically thanked Len Goodman for basically telling Brooke to cover up next week. Then came the judge’s favorite dance: Lance and Lacey’s tango. The first of a series of campaign-like ads paints Cody as weak and a baby before telling people to vote for Brooke.

A Warren Sapp ad features Rocco and warns you to “never trust a skinny chef.” Seven Spanish brothers, Los Vivancos, perform a crazy flamenco dance sans shirt. Ole! While I’m watching this I wonder how many times their mother told them not to do this in the house. They’re fantastic!

Here’s the leader board for the last two weeks:

1. Brooke & Derek

2. Lance & Lacey

3. Warren & Kym

4. Susan & Tony

5. Cody & Julianne

5. Toni & Alec

5. Maurice & Cheryl

9. Rocco & Karina

9. Cloris & Corky

Susan and Tony are safe. Lance and Lacey are safe. Rocco and Karina are the first couple in the bottom two. Another ad, this one calls Brooke Burke pretty and a good dancer. Then asks, “Don’t you just hate her? It’s time to say no to hot chicks who can dance.” The ad is for the rest of the cast.

The next ad has clips of Maurice laughing. It says Maurice must think the competition is a joke. Then Lance says he approves the message.

YAY! Dancing kids are back! They’re 13 and under. The first couple: 11-year-old Mitchell and 10-year-old Jessica. They’re darling! They pinkie swear that this is the best cha cha ever. I believe them! So cute and so good! I love them! Len says it was crisp, precise and had great musicality. Bruno says they were the cheekiest thing of them all. Carrie Ann says their costume, which Jessica designed, was fierce. The competition: 11-year-old Kirill and 10-year-old Hannah. They’re cute, too! Their samba is really good. I had no idea kids that young could move their hips like this! Is that creepy? I don’t mean it to be! Carrie Ann says they showed sophistication and were fantastic. Len says they captured the flavor of the samba and that they were working their bum (he says he was speaking technically). Bruno says they sold it and engaged the audience. Another ad: Cloris bribes judges, causes delays and says she’s cost the competition enough. It’s an ad for the accounting department.

Ad: Lance claims to be a proud American and regular guy, then it shows him burping and being silly then says “Lance Bass is probably crazy.” Toni approves the message.

Now, it’s time to score the kiddos. The judges choose Kirill and Hannah to perform in the finals. That’s when the people get to vote! Next, Ne-Yo performs “Closer.” Ad: Toni’s sold more than 40 million records and calls her too successful. Hasn’t she won enough. Rocco approves this message.

Next week, four new dances are introduced: the hustle, the jitterbug, salsa and west coast swing. Len says the dances will be a challenge because it’s not the dances the professionals are used to teaching. Another ad: Susan would like you to think she’s a lady – then a whole bunch of crazy accusations before she’s called a filthy beast. Cloris approves this one.

Back to the elimination… Brooke and Derek are safe. Cody and Julianne are safe. Toni and Alec are safe. Warren and Kym are safe. Maurice and Cheryl are safe.

Cloris and Corky are in the bottom two with Rocco and Karina. Cue the music, fire up the red light. Another ad: Warren is accused of wearing a fat suit. Erica Kane approves this message. That’s Susan Lucci to you non-soap people.

More dramatic music, with Cloris looking like she’s going to pass out (and she’s 82-years-old, so I suppose she could). The couple going home tonight:

Rocco, his puffy sleeves and his partner, Karina, are outta there. Well, he really couldn’t dance. You’re not surprised, are you?

I think Cloris will be next on the chopping block, unless there’s some site out there telling people to vote to keep her in. If you’re doing that, please stop. Let’s give these stars a real shot at moving up from d-list to c-list!

I’ll be back on Monday with a recap of the top 8 dances.

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